write me, my dog (writememydog) wrote,
write me, my dog

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Day One: The lives of madmen are easier than this, they have the benefit of madness to cover the madness, the filth and disgust, that they're living in. Ah well, live and learn, toss and turn, and gradually grow more fucking insane--hopefully just enough to cope, but not so much as to propagate the madness further. I don't believe I've ever gasped for air when I wasn't a bit insane. Damn, might be the air itself, but then, why aren't we ALL insane? Too much to think about for a madman. Pass the limes. No limes? Bound to happen sooner or later.
All right, so I might not be quite as insane as I let on, but that's keep that on the down low, I've been bumming off the government for years on claims of such. No, not really. In reality, I'm a fucking 17 year old maniac who works at Kroger's but has no job. How is this possible, you ask? Be a fuckin' genius and work at Kroger's, and you'll understand completely. Reality ceases to exist for 8 hour stretches at a time, all for the astounding amount of $5.15 an hour. God damn, I love America. You want to go insane? Amaze your friends, confound your relatives, frighten your enemies into sleeping with the lights on...in the middle of the day? All this and more can be had from working at Kroger's, and fuck, you might even be able to afford a fuckin' bullet to put through your worthless scalp at the end of the week. This is insanity. This is my life. Please, tell me that I'm wrong, I'll buy another bullet next week, this one's got a portrait of you carved right into the homemade hollow fuckin' point. Do it, and bring your own trash bag, to catch the mess, you silly fucks. People say working at Kroger's is easy--and it is, but it will drive you fuckin' insane. Just see. There's a couple of naysayers here with me now as a matter of fact, tied down, gagged. They didn't bring their plastic bags. What a shame, I'll just have to do something less messy, more painful. Oh, what insanity will do for your creativity. Damn, I just told you I wasn't insane, didn't I? Better you believe that anyhow. Safer for you.
No ideas now, just homicidal tendencies. God help the world, save them from the wretched lizard Kroger employees.

Living in Fear and Loathing,
Dr. Evil
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